I love my computer…most of the time

Mike Rainone


As I bravely approach my 75th birthday my wife and I are really enjoying our retirement, especially after slowly adjusting to and accepting such great real lifestyle amenities such as: the cell phone, Wi-Fi, E-books, GPS, massage chairs, heated car seats, rainbow ice-cream, and of course our beloved computer and all the rest of the neat perks that go along with it.

Somebody told me that Charles Baggage founded the first simple computer way back in 1833, but despite numerous attempts by the ‘techies’ of the world did not really roar into overwhelming universal popularity until the 1970s and has never ceased to amaze and test our skills with a vast array of new gadgets and loads of increased time out along the air-waves.

For years yours truly had to put together all my newspaper stories on all sorts of typewriters and used scads of ink remover, but once I calmed down in front of my first fancy new computer I was hooked, never missed a deadline, and realized that it was okay to calmly ask for help when I made a boo-boo, even if was from my grand-children.

Like so many others, we don’t know what we would ever do now without our internet and laptop, from where we can get in touch with family and friends instantly, Skype, Facetime, or e-mail them whereever they may be, as well as getting the news, weather, sport scores, and just about any information that we may need on any subject, all with just the flick of a finger, night and day. This week I decided to put together a few facts and funnies about our wild and wonderful world of computers, which I hope you will enjoy, and will never feel too bad if your system throws a hissy fit or shuts down once in a while.

The 10 laws of computing for you and me

• If you have reached the point where you really understand your computer it is probably outdated.

• When you are busy computing and someone is watching, whatever might happen, calmly behave as though you meant it to happen.

• When the going gets tough up grade your computer, but before pushing to many keys like I do, always have the HELP ME phone numbers handy of your whiz kids, tech buddies, or even the Geek Squad to get you out of trouble.

• The first place to look for information on your computer and other systems is in the section of the manual that you would least expect to find it.

• For every action there is an equal and opposite malfunction, especially if we hit the wrong key.

• To err is human…to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, and in fact it’s downright natural.

• He who has the last laugh probably has back up.

• The number number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.

• A complex system that doesn’t work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.

• A computer program will always do what we tell it to do, but rarely what you want it to do. It does not help for us to yell or swear at our computer because it will never talk back, but it will likely find a way to get even.

A few fancy bytes

• Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him to use the NET and he won’t bother you for a week.

• Frustrated shopper: ‘I want my husband to pay more attention to me. Do you have a perfume that smells like a computer?’

The latest innovation in office safety…when your computer crashes an air bag is activated so that you won’t bang your head on the keyboard in frustration. No matter what the case, let’s try to look on the bright side of every situation, and then just go ahead and have a great sunny summer week, all of you.

Just Posted

Kudos to award winners

Rimbey Chamber of Commerce holds gala affair to recognize businesses and individuals

Third annual Chamber of Commerce Awards Night held

Business and individual award recipients recognized

Watch: Gravel truck turns into wrong off-ramp at Highway 2 Ponoka

The new Highway 2 and Highway 53 intersection at Ponoka caused some confusion for one driver

Bentley has new mayor

New Bentley council ready to begin term

WATCH: ASIRT investigating officer-involved shooting during crime spree

Shots fired on two occasions during incidents, one suspect remains in hospital with serious injuries

VIDEO: Tragically Hip singer-songwriter Gord Downie dies at 53

Downie had been fighting brain cancer for over a year

Police officer hit by car, stabbed in Edmonton attack back on job

Const. Mike Chernyk, 48, returned to work Thursday

Berry disappointed: Bear tries to eat fake fruit on woman’s door wreath

A Winnipeg woman has taken her berry-embellished wreath down, after a hungry bear visited her porch

All three victims identified in Fernie arena ammonia leak

Wayne Hornquist and Lloyd Smith were from Fernie and Jason Podloski from Turner Valley, Alta

B.C. woman plagued by bedbugs on airplane not surprising, says expert

Heather Szilagyi was on a British Airways flight when she noticed bedbugs crawling out of the seat

4 B.C. prisons install body scanners to combat drug smuggling

The scanners are aimed to combat the smuggling of contraband including weapons and drugs

Outspoken Mountie assigned to admin duties for refusing to shave goatee

The 15-year veteran of the force said he believes the RCMP is targeting him

Victim in fatal ammonia leak remembered for his passion and smile

Friends and colleagues remember Lloyd Smith as someone who was always willing to help people

IIO concludes RCMP action not cause of wanted man’s death in Revelstoke

Man linked to Calgary homicide died in Revelstoke following five-hour standoff

Most Read