From China to Mexico, from Hitler to The Three Stooges – it’s playoff time in Canada

It’s a bit of stating the obvious, but now that we know there’ll be no Montreal – Calgary showdown for the Stanley Cup, there can be no doubt that this indeed, is far from a perfect world.

It’s a bit of stating the obvious, but now that we know there’ll be no Montreal – Calgary showdown for the Stanley Cup, there can be no doubt that this indeed, is far from a perfect world.

But then again, unless you’re still filling your diapers and waiting for your teeth to come in, you probably realized that a long time ago.

Here’s a couple of examples that occurred last week.

In case you haven’t heard the latest, there’s been another twist in China’s ego-trip of a torch relay which, by the way, is the longest in history and the only one scheduled to ascend to the top of Mount Everest.

Awwww isn’t that nice.

Except of course, for the fact that the Government of Nepal – which, by the way, borders an area known as the, Tibet Autonomous Region of the People’s Republic of China, announced last week that they have implemented a policy of using lethal force on anyone who they perceive as trying to disrupt the relay’s climb to the mountain’s top.

In other words, if they for a second think someone’s about to mess with things, they’ll shoot and kill them.

Gee, I wonder whose blood-soaked hands were pulling the strings on that policy decision?

Don’t you find it’s hard not to feel all warm and fuzzy about those nice Chinese folks? After all, with the clubbing of the heads of peaceful Tibetan monks, the harvesting and selling of organs from live Falun Gong practitioners and dead execution victims and now the shooting and killing of anyone who opposes the upcoming farce of an Olympic Games, how could you not?

So much for the Olympic motto of Swifter, Higher, Stronger. Maybe it’s time for the suckers on the International Olympic Committee (IOC) who actually fell for China’s song and dance about straightening out their act, to come up with a new Olympic motto for any future Games they decide to hand over to the most brutal and repressive nations on the planet. How about something a bit more appropriate like: Riskier, Bloodier, Deadlier? The IOC can use that one the next time they get scammed by some bass-ackwards country like Iran or North Korea or Mexico.

Yes, that’s right, Mexico.

At this point, I probably would have started chewing out that Prime Minister of ours for not mustering up some gumption and telling China to ‘shove it’ when it comes to the Olympic Games, but if you’ve heard the latest news of the plight of Brenda Martin, you’ll already know he’ll fold up like a cheap tent to China, just like he did to Mexico.

If you don’t know about Brenda Martin, she was a cook for an Albertan named Alvn Waage who operated a $60 million Internet-based fraud scheme from his Puerto Vallarta mansion.

While Waage has already been convicted and was handed a lengthy jail term in the United States, he has repeatedly told Mexican officials that Martin had nothing to do with the fraudulent activities as she was just the cook.

But nope, not good enough says the Mexican judge.

Last Tuesday, he sentenced Martin to five years in prison and fined her $3,500 for knowingly accepting ‘illicit funds’. Waage, on the other hand, said he paid Martin a severance package of about $26,000 that had nothing to do with his illegal indiscretions.

But let’s face it folks, this is a Mexican judge we’re looking at here and for $26,000, Adolf Hitler could’ve probably bought his way out of jail.

And as disturbing as that may be, how about the reaction from Ottawa?

Martin’s already spent 14 months in jail in Mexico awaiting her trial with little more than some lip service from the federal government. Now the feds say their working hard to ensure Martin can serve out her sentence in a Canadian jail.

Excuse me?

Does this mean our federal government is actually putting their faith, and the freedom of a 53 year-old Canadian cook, in the hands of some Mexican judge?

No offense intended, but when exactly did anything in Mexico – even judges, all of a sudden become credible?

This isn’t the first time Canadians have been introduced to the, at best, ‘dubious’ Mexican judicial system. Remember that rash of Canadians who were murdered down there last year and the naval gazing and double-talk we got out of them? Remember how the Mexicans tried to pin the double-murder of Canadians Domenico and Annunziata Ianiero on those two women from Thunder Bay?

Speaking of which, I wonder how the Mexican investigation in their murders is progressing seeing as how we haven’t heard a peep out of them in over a year.

Maybe they’ve just given up. After all, our federal government isn’t pressuring them into getting to the bottom of the Ianiero’s murders and others, so if the Canadian government doesn’t give a hoot, why should the Mexicans?

Did you happen to catch the footage of The Three Stooges on the tube last week?

They were all down in New Orleans scheming their super-secret Security and Prosperity Partnership that they’re going to hoodwink us with any day now – guaranteed, you’ll see.

Most interesting was the way all three of them were grinning and giggling with each other like 10 year-olds at a birthday party playing footsy under the table.

What exactly is going on here?

On the same day the Mexican judge throws the book at Brenda Martin, there’s our Prime Minister sitting on George “Dubya” Bush’s right and the Mexican president – who cares what his name is, on Dubya’s left, and they’re all playing buddy-buddy with each other.

I don’t know about you, but I’m getting a bit tired of watching our PM puppy dogging behind George Bush and pandering to the Americans for whatever they want. Hello Altalink power line coming soon through the Rimbey area right past Calgary and straight to Montana and points south – guaranteed, you’ll see.

Now that the Stanley Cup playoffs are in full swing, let’s see some good old Canadian grit out of our PM like we’re seeing on the ice. The time has come for that guy to start acting like Don Cherry instead of his grandpa Brian Mulroney by selling us out down the Mississippi River with his Free Trade Agreement. He needs to start playing like a real Canadian.

It goes without saying that every now and then, we have to pucker up and plant a big wet one on America’s arse, but now we’re supposed to plant one on the Mexicans too?

C’mon Steve, enough of the palsy-walsy rec hockey already. It’s playoff time – time for you to take the birdcage off your helmet and drop the gloves.

In a perfectly Canadian world, our PM would have flashed a big old Bobby Clarke-type toothless grin at Dubya and half a second later, take him out with a thunderous Gordie Howe-type elbow to the jaw to get at the Mexican president.

Then, how about a dose of some Dion Phaneuf-type punishment like grabbing Pedro by the throat, pinning him against the wall and demanding the immediate release and dropping of all charges against Martin, or else somebody’s going bye-bye right now.

That’s how they’d do it in the NHL.

Heck, on a slow day that’s probably how they’d do it in China too.