By Dianne Kushniryk:
My friends and family read my columns and comment on what they see as my openness and honesty and fearlessness. They say it takes courage to fly in the face of what we should believe as Christians and admit that we sometimes doubt and question and even struggle with disloyalty. That puzzles me, that not wanting to admit that sometimes our faith falters, that sometimes we don’t understand, that sometimes we gnash our teeth and think that God’s unfair. Isn’t that why God gave us the gift of choice? Doesn’t He want us to come to Him freely and wholeheartedly because we have doubted and questioned and struggled only to realize that He is the only answer?
There is an old maxim that says, “all good things are worth working for”. How can we say we have faith if that faith is not tested; or say we have loved if we have not questioned that love and recommitted? I can trust God’s love and faithfulness because He is God and He is eternal but I can’t trust my love and faithfulness for I’m finite and humanly fickle. So those things have to be constantly refined. There is no refinement without fire. The trials and tribulations of the life I live are that fire and my doubts, my questions, and my quandaries are kindling to be burned away until what rises out of the ashes is the phoenix known as complete trust.
Life would be a whole lot simpler if I could always “let go and let God” but could God be as sure of me? If a soldier has never been shot at, how do you know he won’t cut and run in the heat of battle when you need him most? As sad as it is to acknowledge, it happens; in the midst of life’s battles some desert God; they don’t voice their questions, they don’t acknowledge their doubts and they are so shamed by their disloyalty they just walk away. It is easier to denounce God then to believe He would allow you to be less than perfect. Therein lies the true sin: doubting isn’t a sin, questioning isn’t a sin, imperfection is not a sin. Turning your back on God is the sin, because you leave yourself wide-open for what the enemy covets most –disbelief. Non-believers mean little to him because they’ve never even admitted there is a God but those who have slipped into disbelief; they are the notches on his gun, the points on the scoreboard. They are victory because they have known God and chosen to shun Him. They have listened to the lies, given into the fears, stopped looking for the answers and given up on truth. The truth that if we keep on choosing God, even in the midst of faith failure, then He sees and He blesses -and He watches as we grow and stretch and transform into what will truly reflect His Glory.
“Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify Me.” - Psalm 50:15
Dianne Kushniryk is a Central Alberta wife, mother and grandmother who has been writing Christian columns since 2004. She is currently working on a compilation of her columns in book form.