If you are married to; live with; are the grandmother of; are the mother of or are the sister of a male, chances are you’ve been tormented over the years – usually on Saturday nights, by that unique creature known as the ‘fan’.
In fact, you might be one yourself.
Derived from the word, ‘fanatical’, they’re the types you see sporting their favorite team’s colours, jackets, hats, tattoos and a host of other items.
But in the case of a lot of these ‘fans’, they not only identify strongly with their favourite team or teams, in their own minds they actually are a part of the team.
Take those crazies from next door in Saskatchewan for example who will spend untold thousands dollars, drive for untold amounts of hours and basically do whatever it takes to catch their team in action.
Not only are they ‘fans’ of the Roughriders, they actually are the Roughriders, at least in their own minds. Admittedly, those folks are a bit on the ‘extreme’ side of the scale, but there’s plenty more ‘fanaticals’ out there and not all of them support the Green and White.
So considering that, the fact that many fans root for more than one team plus the plethora of names given to teams throughout North America’s five biggest professional sports leagues, lets have a look at some interesting combinations or scenarios.
For example, at the same time, you could be both an Angel (Anaheim) or a Devil (New Jersey). You could be a Cowboy (Dallas), or an Indian (Cleveland). How about a Red (Cincinnati) or a Blue (St. Louis)?
If predacious land animals are your thing, you’ve got lots of options – especially if you start at the top of the food chain.
You could be a Timber Wolf (Minnesota), a Memphis Grizzly, a Boston Bruin, Florida or Carolina Panther, a Phoenix Coyote, Chicago Bear, Cincinnati Bengal, Jacksonville Jaguar, Detroit Lion or BC Lion – of course one plays real football while the other plays the ninny four-down stuff. You could also be a Hamilton Tiger Cat, a Chicago Cub if your teeth haven’t filled in yet or, most obviously, a Nashville Predator.
If you’re into weather phenomena or geographical features, you’ve also got several options such as Lightning (Tampa Bay), Hurricanes (Carolina), Stars (Dallas), Avalanche (Colorado), Suns (Phoenix), Heat (Miami) or the Rockies (also Colorado).
Flying things are big too. For example, you could be a Toronto Blue Jay, Baltimore Oriole, Atlanta Hawk, New Orleans Hornet, Pittsburgh Penguin – mind you the hockey team can fly much better than the bird; an Anaheim Duck, a Philadelphia Eagle or a Cardinal either from St. Louis or Arizona. There’s also the Baltimore Raven, Seattle Seahawk or Atlanta Falcon to choose from as well.
At the beginning there were a few examples of how to bring colour into the equation, but here’s a few more with ‘blue’ being the most prominent. You could be a Winnipeg Blue Bomber, Toronto Blue Jay or a Columbus Blue Jacket.
Don’t like blue?
How about a Cleveland Brown, Detroit Red Wing, Boston Red Sock, Chicago White Sock – notice the singular, or a Chicago Blackhawk?
You’ll probably recall a number of years ago when a group of self-proclaimed ‘social-justice’ seekers demanded that professional sports franchises in North America immediately change their team names so as not to offend any minorities, and that was all fine and dandy.
The problem however, was that they were, for the most part, all white, Anglo-Saxons. But when the media posed the same argument to those who were most affected – that being First Nations people throughout the continent, they found that not only were they not offended in any way, but they actually liked the names.
So having said that, I’ll assume that millions of fans are proud to be called a Cleveland Indian, Washington Redskin, Atlanta Brave or a Kansas City Chief. Heck, even an Edmonton Eskimo can proud of his or her heritage.
Things on or below the sea also offer a number of interesting selections including being a Pittsburgh Pirate, Tampa Bay Buccaneer, Seattle Mariner, Toronto Argonaut, Los Angeles Clipper or an Oakland Raider. Below the surface things are just as interesting with options such as a Florida Marlin, San Jose Shark, Tampa Bay Devil Ray or a Miami Dolphin.
Horses, cattle and other similar critters seem to be big too. If you liked, you could be a Milwaukee Buck, St. Louis Ram, Chicago Bull, Denver Bronco, Philadelphia Philly, Indianapolis Colt or a Calgary Stampeder, mind you based on their performance over the last few years, nobody would blame you if you wanted to keep that little factoid a secret.
Occupations also offer the sports fan a number of alternatives even though it’s probably a bit tough to make a living as a Minnesota Viking or a Washington Wizard. On the other hand, you’ve got to love the size of the paychecks when you’re a King – Los Angeles or Sacramento, an Edmonton Oiler or best of all in terms of net income – an Ottawa Senator – not the ones on the ice, the other ones up on the Hill with the cushy offices. There’s also some other, more regular-Joe types of occupations such as a Milwaukee Brewer, Pittsburgh Steeler or even a Ranger – either New York or Texas.
Number crunchers can also join the fun, but their options are limited to either the Philadelphia 76er’s or the San Francisco 49er’s, but at least they have a choice.
Looking for a bit of help from above? Maybe you’d like to consider being a New Orleans Saint or a San Diego Padre to get a bit of spiritual inspiration.
Finally, how about a few words for all those fans out there who just don’t see themselves fitting into any of the above categories. In this case, it’s inanimate objects. Generally, an ‘object’ is defined as something that doesn’t move or change which, for the most part, does not include being a Detroit Piston, San Antonio Spur, Buffalo Sabre or a New Jersey Net.
Due to the chaos and ineptness they’ve displayed over the past few weeks however, one inanimate object that refuses to change or move forward in any way – and it’s causing much consternation and angst among their fans, is the Toronto Maple Leaf – yet another team whose supporters may just want to keep their allegiances a secret.